Killer Tongue

Looking at the video box or movie poster, you might think this is going to be another spoof of those silly 1950's horror films involving radiation poisoned giant animals. You are so wrong. In a nutshell, a meteor crashes to earth and a chunk is ingested by a former nun waiting for her boyfriend to be released from prison. Her tongue grows to about ten feet long, and eventually talks to her. Hijinks of the most offensive order ensue. This is such an off-the-wall surreal nightmare that you must see it to believe it. So many scenes can only be mentioned by their generic names but watch out for the port-a-potty scene, the bathtub scene, the confessional scene, and the super glue scene. This somehow escaped with an (R) rating. It has a lot of material that kids should not see, but this is also one of the funniest films out there. Robert Englund, as the prison director, gives a better performance here than in all the "A Nightmare on Elm Street" films combined. He shows that his acting genius does not have to include fright makeup, and he should have been allowed to do more of these over-the-top horror comedies. The entire cast looks like they were having a lot of fun here, and it rubs off on the viewer in the right mood.

With her boyfriend languishing in jail following his conviction for an armed robbery, "Candy" (Melinda Clarke) is charged with holing up in a remote petrol station with her four pampered pooches waiting for the day they can share the loot together. Unfortunately for her, though, a meteorite crashes nearby and in best "Quatermass" fashion it contains an organism that has quite an effect on her and on her formerly four-legged pals who now become somewhat malevolent drag queens. This alien critter soon manifests itself as her giant and very extendable tongue and one that has quite a voracious appetite! It's tastes don't stop at food, either, and so by using it as quite an adaptable weapon she manages to wreak lots of havoc - even on her escaped beau "Johnny" (Jason Durr), his former prison guard (Robert Englund) and there are some nuns who wish they'd gone on the run in here, too! Is nothing sacred? Well no, not really. This is just a daftly entertaining piece of dodgy cinema that has potential "cult" status written all over it. The visual effects are hilarious rather then terrible, Clarke (especially) and her four camp colleagues look like they are having fun pretty much from the start and though this could never be called good, it's really quite enjoyable in an outrageous and smutty fashion. Just think "Carry On Tonguing" and you're well on your way to squirming at this latex and wig festival of ketchup gore and like so many of the most useful tongues this one is acerbic, sarcastic and isn't afraid to use it's three prongs to snack inappropriately. Of course it's terrible, but it's an unpretentious sort of terrible and though I will never watch it again, I did find it oddly easy to watch.